Yesterday was another tough day. I don't know why, but Sunday afternoons and Sunday nights are my very worst day of the week, when I am at my lowest. It's odd, because I love church, and the day starts off with such a high, then it slides straight downhill. Last night was no exception to that. The excitement of the new camper has taken a back seat to the work that needs to be done to sell my house. I'm just stuck in a rut of work and saying good-bye to our house of 25 years. I'm also thinking that part of my problem in getting stuff done is trying to avoid that final good-bye. Yet that house is not my home anymore, it's an empty shell filled with memories.
So I get up this morning and decided that maybe if I did some blogging, some of the pressure inside would be relieved. I was all set to blog that I was feeling as if God had abandoned me. This was a new feeling to me, the first time that I had felt that since Gar died. Well, God had a little surprise for me. One of the bloggers that I like to follow is Timothy Siburg's. He was our Worship coordinator and choir director at our church for three years, and I value my friendship with him and his wife Allison. His blogs show up on my blogspot, and I was catching up on some of his blogs. He had shared Allison's post following the shootings at Seattle Pacific University. Timothy and Allison are Seattle natives. Allison wrote so beautifully about the horror of that event, and the four letter word that kept coming to her mind follow the event, the word hope. As I read her beautiful words, my mind was nudged by the Holy Spirit. It wasn't that God had abandoned me, it was that I had abandoned one of God's most precious gifts, hope.
Since Gar has died, probably one of my strongest emotions has been the feeling of hopelessness. I've been lonely and not sure what the future holds, really I don't have much hope for the future except for a long string of lonely days. So I googled how many times the word hope is used in the Bible, and it is over 125 times, depending on which version you read. I also found this verse from Romans 13:15 ~~Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit~~ So now it's time to change my prayers and my focus. Instead of focusing on missing Gar and focusing on how much I have to get done before I can sell my house, I will instead focus on hope, God's hope. Thank you Allison for giving me that word today, and your faithful reminder that God is hope.
3 comments:
Hope appearing in the moments you need is indeed the work of the Spirit. The Spirit needs to come alive in you again, and it will, to carry you through these moments :)
I'm so humbled that a few of my words might have inspired you to see a little bit of hope as you miss Gar. Those are words I need to hear too - I'm hopeful someone will read your words here and a word of hope might get passed on again and again!! Thanks for your reflection & friendship, you are too kind. Hope the day is good. :)
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing.
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