Nine Months

Nine months ago my world was turned upside down when I returned home from an outing with Annie and Kari and found that Gar had passed away while we were gone.  At some times it doesn't seem very real and at other times it is painfully real.  I have learned several things, and while it is reinforcement of what I have known all of my life, it is still been a huge learning process for me.

First and foremost, I know that God is in charge of my life.  God is a good and loving God, and life is much easier when I place it in God's hands.  Secondly  I have learned that while the grief changes over time, it  will always be with me.  It is my choice to either go with the flow or be bitter about it.  Being bitter will not bring Gar back, so go with the flow it is.  Gar will always be with me, and he left me beautiful gifts in our four daughters.  The other gift that God, and Gar gave me are the gift of my memories.  I have so many wonderful memories of our thirty years together, and no one can take those away.  So many things can trigger so many wonderful memories.  More often than not, they trigger wonderful memories instead of tears.

On Sunday, when it was exactly nine months was a good day.  In the morning, I was honored to become a Godparent to Angel Blessed Livingston, a baby that was born to a couple at our church.  It is such a privilege to be part of this little girl's life.  It was a full circle day for me.

Yesterday I learned that I'm not as strong as I thought.  Winky was spayed yesterday, and there were several other stressors during that day.  I thought that I was doing better, then that knocked me right down.  It caught me by surprise because I have always been able to handle days with a lot of stress, and yesterday I just fell apart.  Thank goodness God was there to pick me back up.  Thanks to everyone who prayed me through last night.  I am learning that for a while I need to be a little gentler with myself.

Well, this blog was a lot of rambling, but that's okay.  It's my way of journaling.  In many ways my life has begun again, so I watch myself grow with God.  I do know that God is good all the time, and God is always there with us.  Thank you God!