Year End thoughts

Twenty eight years ago today our youngest daughter was born.  Happy birthday Kari!!  At this point I have to write down one of my favorite memories of Gar, though he would always try to claim that it never happened.  At 6:00 p.m. while I was in labor, Gar said "Six hours for a tax deduction, push"  He meant it jokingly, but he always tried to deny saying it.  He did, a woman who has been in labor for almost fifteen hours never forgets. I don't think that there are many things more special and uniting than the birth of your children.  After I gave birth and was brought back to my room, I encouraged Gar to go and share our happiness and some cigars with our friends on New Years Eve, and I would get some sleep.  Right after Gar headed down to the lobby to wait for a cab, the doctor came in and told me that Kari had some complications, due to undiagnosed gestational diabetes.  Nothing serious, but concerning.  Someone went to the lobby and got Gar, and he sat by my bed all night, keeping me calm.  Gar was my rock.  From the time that he came into my life, he was my rock through every crisis.  Nothing ever seemed as scary, intimidating or awful when I was in his arms.  He never said much, but his presence was calming.

So tonight, 2013 comes to an end, finally.  It has not been a good year.  Two of the girls had scary health crises, we lost Primo, and we lost Gar.  My life changed on July 27, and will never be the same.  I lost my life partner, my lover, my comforter and my head cheerleader.  I know that he is with God now, and that brings me comfort.  I am thankful to God for the thirty years that we had together, and I give thanks for my daughters, grandchildren and all the joy that they bring me.  I am learning a lot about grief.  I know that I still have a lot to work through in that department, but I do not do it alone.  God is with me, as are my children, grandchildren, family and friends.  I am truly blessed.  While I may be grieving, I refuse to be defined by my grief.  There is too much beauty and joy in the world to be constantly sorrowful.  Gar would not want me to constantly be sad, and God did not create me in that way.

As I look ahead to 2014, it is my prayer that I can help make the world a better place.  I do not know what God has in store for me, but I have learned, yet again, that God is always there.  Every day I will be reminded of and remember the love that Gar and I shared.  There's a move in my future.  Not sure when, but I do know that God found us this house, and God will help me sell it,.  As I start doing things to get it ready to put on the market, I often stop and pray that whatever family ends up living in this house, they will find as much joy in it has we have.  Our family has seasoned this house well.

As I end this year end reflection, I have to stop and thank God for each and everyone of the people who have been there for me this past year.   Our daughters and grandkids are my biggest comfort, but I treasure each and everyone of you.  Thank you for your prayers, your expressions of support and your love.  God is good, all the time.