Day by day

It's been nine weeks since Gar died.  Nine long, roller coaster weeks.  This week hasn't been too bad though.  Tuesday was awful, I had a total breakdown while driving between appointments.  I think that I cried so hard that I actually dehydrated myself.  But, I did pull myself together, and I don't think I yelled at too many people.  On Wednesday morning I had my cat, Spot, put down.  It was time, we got her seventeen years ago, on the day that Gar's dad died.  That was hard to due.  My friend, Stefani, took him to the vet, because I just couldn't do it.  I miss him, but I know that it's for the best.  It's kind of funny, about two years ago I was thinking that it was time to put him down because of some of his behaviors.  But Gar was sitting in the living room and Spot was on his lap.  I think Spot knew the softie in the family, and Gar said "He's a pretty good cat, I don't think it's time yet."  Well now, Spot has reunited with Gar and Primo.

I've had some good days this week, days where I'm feeling more like Nancy.  Small bits of happiness creep into the everyday activities.  It's funny, sometimes I feel guilty because I think I shouldn't be feeling happy yet.  Then I remember that the Nancy that Gar loved should never go away.

Yesterday we interred Gar's ashes.  Yet another stage of closure.  I cried out of loss, but it wasn't the overwhelming sense of grief.  Pastor Brian did a wonderful job, as usual and read just the right amount of scripture, and not one of them was the 23rd Psalm, thank goodness!  I had two beautiful gifts, one from the girls and one from Brandon and Jamie.  Both were amazing pieces of art, done by Brandon Kidder.  When I see them on the walls, I am constantly reminded of how blessed that I am, in my family and my friends.  The one especially is breath taking in the picture and the concept.  Brandon is an amazing artist who constantly honors God with his gifts.  Thank you so much to the girls and Brandon and Jamie.

So, another week begins.  Another busy week.  We shall see what this week will hold.  I do know that I walk with God.  So I stop, thank God for thirty years with Gar and walk forward with God.