Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day.  But, it's not only Mother's Day today.  It's also Gar's 69th birthday, only he's not here to celebrate it with me today.  When Annie and Kari were small, Gar and I always had an agreement that on Mother's Day, Father's Day or one of our birthday's, the person being honored did not do any child care, mostly diapers.  It was our joke that when Gar's birthday fell on Mother's Day, the kids stayed wet all day.  

As a family, we all continue to grieve Gar's death, yet being the individuals we are, we have each done it in our own ways.  I don't know if this is normal for all families, and sometimes I feel as though we are falling apart as a family.  I pray that that is not the case, and that soon we will pull together as we realize that all that we have is each other.  I am so grateful to all of my children and grandchildren, and I love them all so much.  I also know how much Gar loved each of his girls and grandchildren, and was so proud of them.  I pray that they may always remember that. 

It's also alway tough on Mother's Day without my mom.  This is my third Mother's Day without her.  This year has been especially tough.  So many times I have wanted to tell my mom that now I understand what she went through after my dad died.  Love you mom! 

It's been a tough week for me as I tried to have a moving sale at my house.  The turnout was lousy, but that meant nothing.  The hardest part was getting rid of things that have been part of my life for so long.  It's kind of funny, but the pieces that some people come in and see as useless have so many memories attached for me.  This week I need to do some organizing so that work can be done at my house while I'm on vacation.  I really hope that I can get enough in me to get it done.  Moving out of my house is harder than I thought it would be.  It has been such a good home to us for the last twenty five years.

As I re-read this, I realize one thing.  I could not even get out of bed in the morning if I didn't know how much God loves and carries me.  Through my breakdowns, tears and dark thoughts, God's light keep shining through.  At Gar's funeral, the gospel was John 1:1-5.  When I chose that, Pastor Brian looked at me and said "it's not really a funeral reading" and I said, "but I still want it."  This verse is why "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it".  This was true of Gar's life and how he lived after his accident.  It is now true of my life and how I have lived since Gar's death.  God is good, all the time.  Thank you God for putting Gar in my life.